The 7 vows of Marriage with a twist

I recently visited a wedding and as I witnessed the wedding vows my thoughts drifted to a recent survey result that are as follows.

In the light of this survey I wonder what is going through the minds of the bride and the groom as they take their wedding vows

In the first Vow the groom says that their love has become strong and he promises his bride that he would provide everything that is required for the welfare, well being and happiness of the entire family.

What he actually means is He will provide her with all the dirty garments and clothes and of course the detergent to wash them with. As 76% of married men in India believe that not helping with Laundry at home still makes them a great role model for their children*

In the second vow the groom promises that he would forever remain committed in providing for her. He would keep loving her and be the source of courage and inspiration. Perhaps what he means is that he will make sure that she never runs  out of dirty laundry and the bride interprets it as : if she is working, she will be doing two jobs for the rest of her life one at the office and the other at home. As 78% of girls in India agree that they should learn Laundry as they will have to do it when they grow up*

In the third vow he promises to his would be wife and prays to god that they may be blessed with wealth and prosperity and have the means to provide for their kids and their well being.What he really means is that when they have children they will also contribute to the dirty laundry and he on his part will ensure that he provides for the detergent so that his wife can continue to wash the enhanced dirty laundry contributed by the kids uninterrupted. As a large number of men believe that Laundry is a womens job and 81% of married men in India agree that their daughters must learn household chores

By this time of life the wife begins to believe that laundry is a women’s responsibility. As large number of Indian girls feel (or have realized), that there exists an inequality at home, between men and women as many as 78% of girls in India agree that they should learn Laundry as they will have to do it when they grow up

In the fourth vow  he thanks his wife for bringing in love ,joy, happiness and auspiciousness to his life and his family . Perhaps what he is thinking is that she is  bringing the promise of washing his dirty laundry and that of his kids for the rest of her life.To some extent even the bride begins to think along similar lines. Now with children coming into the picture even their opinion matters and 2 out of every 3 children think that washing clothes is a mothers job so poor mother is innundated with a never ending load of dirty clothes to wash.

In the fifth vow  the groom and the bride pray to goddess Lakshmi the goddess of wealth to bestow upon them  wealth and prosperity. Perhaps what he is thinking is that she may bestow upon them enough boxes of detergents so that the wife can wash all the dirty laundry of their future household.

In the sixth vow the groom promises his bride that he would always provide her with utmost happiness.  He would provide her with joy and peace and let her enjoy her time peacefully undisturbed. Perhaps he is thinking of watching TV and let her wash the laundry undisturbed and perhaps even his children would have started getting into the process of adding to all the dirty laundry at home. 65% of married men in India agree that their children replicate their behavior at home.

In the seventh vow the  groom tells his bride that their relationship is firm and from now on “She is His forever and He is hers” and together they would live happily forever.

Perhaps what he means is that from now on she would continue to take care of his dirty laundry and on his part he would continue to provide the dirty laundry for the rest of his life. This is only the affirmation of the belief of 78% of girls in India who agree that they should learn Laundry as they will have to do it when they grow up

However today when marriages and households are based on equality then why is the burden of laundry thrust upon the women alone. It time to #ShareTheLoad its time to ponder and break this myth and liberate the modern woman from the burden of doing the laundry alone. Its time for the men to be man enough and be equal participant in doing household chores specially laundry.They could start by dedicating one day of the week as the Laundry day where all the members of the family get together and do the laundry together .This would help not only the women of the household but also give our society balanced individuals who know how to share the load and stand for each other.As children emulate their parents it would be a great step towards molding them to be responsible citizens of the society .In short its about being man enough to take responsibility of your laundry

“I am joining the Ariel #ShareTheLoad campaign at BlogAdda and blogging about the prejudice related to household chores being passed on to the next generation.”

Be man enough to share the load

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. At last there is some one who has raised its voice for the cause of women. When a detergent giant like Ariel raises its voice propagating the issue of why only women should do the laundry and urges the men to #ShareTheLoad, then there is no reason why it should not make an impact on how the world envisages the role of a woman. A woman is always considered to be the multi-tasker. Her domain spans from keeping the home ship shape, looking after the kids, feeding them and teaching them. They are supposed to run at a moments notice to carry out the errands for her husband and her mother-in-law, father-in-law and any other family member living in the household. To top it all she is supposed to handle the laundry of the entire household.

If in a nuclear family then her husband expects her to collect his clothes that need washing and which can be found strewn all over the room. She has to gather them and ensure that they are perfectly cleaned and immaculately ironed. A woman has to clean not only his shirts and pants but also his smelly socks and undergarments. Earlier washing was a tough chore which required lots of scrubbing but now with a detergent like Ariel that makes the clothes shine like new washing has lost much of its grime. Still the equation remains the same. The woman has to do all the laundry with no help forthcoming from any side. Even the children expect the mother to do all their washing and even give aggressive reactions when they find that their clothes are not ready or up to their desire. This causes much distress to the women and they feel hurt that instead of being thankful to her she is being subjected to adverse comments.

In a joint family her lot is even worse and she is just the laundry woman who is expected to clean loads and loads of dirty laundry. In case the woman is not working all the work delegated to her are her task and no big deal because after all she is just whiling her time doing nothing. On the other hand if she happens to be a working woman she is not some one special to be given concessions as all the women have been washing the clothes till now. She may be bone tired after a grueling day at the office combined with the hardship of commuting to and fro from home and office. She barely sips her tea when she is reminded that it is time to prepare food. It’s not to be a simple meal as all members would be eating together. The week passes by as she awaits the coming of a Sunday when she can heave a sigh of relief. But people have other plans for her like requests for special food and of course the pile of clothes which are dumped before her accusingly implicating that she is the cause for the messy clothes to accumulate. We have to find a solution to this problem faced by all women. The message that has been passed through generations tells the women that laundry is a woman’s task. This is the point where a major correction is required. All mothers should teach their young ones to be independent and learn how to wash their clothes starting from their socks and kerchiefs to other knick knacks. A habit thus formed would not only make them self sufficient but also make them partners in #ShareTheLoad now and as they grow up.

This Herculean initiative by Ariel in conjunction with BlogAdda is sure to reap the desired result as more and more men would come forward to #ShareTheLoad and dispel the notion that laundry is a women’s task only.

 “I am joining the Ariel #ShareTheLoad campaign at BlogAdda and blogging about the prejudice related to household chores being passed on to the next generation.”

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I break stereotype all the time

Women have always been undermined when it comes to the assessment of their value and what they can do. They are not graded by what they can do but are marked by how they look and what they wear that is their personal appearance. It is very wrong to do so because a woman may look all delicate and fragile but may be very strong from the inside. The real worth of a woman should always be measured by what she can do or what she does rather than by what she looks like or how she dresses like her style of clothing and hair. A woman may have short hair but it is not necessary that she is a tom boy. Many an ambitious women have proved their mettle even when they have long hair. Wearing of a sari or a jeans or even a salwar kameez is no criteria to pass judgment on the ability of a woman. How a woman dresses is a personal matter, a choice of her own which she chooses because of her comfort level with either dress. An efficient housewife may be dressed in a jeans and yet a true traditional. On the other hand a woman draped in a sari may be an efficient office worker who believes in giving results. It is a sorry state of affairs that women are often stereotyped by their own family members and close friends due to which they feel constrained to achieve their potential. According to a survey conducted by Nielson India on behalf of Nihar Naturals on the topic #IAmCapable the following results were derived.

a.69% of men agree that their judgment of women is based on their looks.

      b . 64% of women agree that the judgments passed on them have affected their ability     to  reach their true potential.
       c. 70%of women agree that majority of judgments on women are from family   members or friends rather than strangers.
       d. 72% of women agree that working women face more judgments on their looks or their clothes than housewives.
I am a girl and proud to be one. I have not allowed stereotyping to restrict me from what I wanted to do and achieve.I am a figure of contradictions and can make the people go tizzy trying to type me into a slot. I am modern yet traditional. I love to wear jeans as well as a sari and a salwar kameez. I have long hair but still I am adventurous and love sports like race cars drifting which is not for the faint hearted. When I asked my boss for leave citing the reason of race car drifting at first he found it difficult to believe and then when he found me to be serious his mouth fell open in wonder and his eyes told me that he did not know in which slot to place me. When I reached the venue many looked at me with pity and derision as they thought that this was no sports for me being a girl. Some even tried to dissuade me. I was confident that I could do it. On being asked as to would ride first I saw some boys slipping to the back. Everyone looked at me with wonder as I stepped forward to experience the ride and the way I enjoyed it made the instructor give me an extra spin. I had done it and proved that #IAmCapable of breaking the stereotype.

 “I’m breaking stereotypes based on appearance by sharing my experience for the #IAmCapable activity at BlogAdda in association with Nihar Naturals.”

Breaking the stereotype with I am capable

Women have long been judged by their appearance and their achievements as well as their qualities get ignored. Men tend to classify women into types grading them by their looks depending on what kind of a dress they wear or their particular hair style. This gives a back seat to their qualities and achievements which are completely ignored by the men in particular and the society in general who happily cast them into stereotypes. For them if a woman has short hair then she is surely a tomboy and is never to be taken seriously irrespective of her merits. They bracket the women who prefer to wear jeans to be one who do not care for tradition. The women who prefer to wear a sari or a salwar kameez are marked as a Behenji.Then the women with long hair are considered to be homely but are not considered to be ambitious by the men. If a girl or a woman sports a tattoo then she is looked upon by men to be strange and some one different.
It is very difficult to understand why a woman with short hair is considered to be a tomboy. It is possible that she is a sedate and principled person and her short hair belies her personality. Her short hair may be due to many reasons. It may have been a medical need or stunted hair growth or even by choice. What her short hair has to do with her inner capabilities. She may be a great achiever in the field of literature, finance or even science and sports.It is beyond my comprehension as to why long hair which are considered to add to the beauty of a woman casts her into the bracket of being homely and not being ambitious. She may be a great achiever like being a great dancer or a singer.If you wear jeans then you have no regard for tradition and if you follow tradition by wearing a sari or a salwar kameez then you are a Behenji.There is no doubt that women are judged by what they look like then by what they do and can do..
This has been proved not only by experience but also by the results of a survey by Nihar Naturals #IAmCapable conducted by Nielsen India.The results reveal that

a.       69% of men agree that their judgment of women is based on their looks.

      b. 64% of women agree that the judgments passed on them have affected their ability     to reach their true potential.
       c. 70%of women agree that majority of judgments on women are from family   members or friends rather than strangers.
d. 72% of women agree that working women face more judgments on their looks or their clothes than housewives.
I have personally faced this and experienced the judgmental looks and sniggering by the opposite sex when I entered the portals of my college.I had long hair and on top of this I loved to wear a salwar kameez. Short dupattas were not for me I flaunted the graceful flowing ones which made me feel like royalty. I knew very well that my dress was perfectly suited for me and it did not detract any of my mental capabilities. What I wore was my personal choice and I was not to be deterred by what people thought. I knew that I would prove to be a winner in this war of stereotyping. The strange looks did not deter me and my application of my knowledge and the resultant good grades made those very people who thought me to be a Behenji and not at all ambitious  eat their words. On the other hand the girls were enamored by my Dupattas and many took to wearing them. I am happy that I refused to be stereotyped and not only did I earn appreciation but also inspired many to follow suit. I had proved that #IAmCapable.

 “I’m breaking stereotypes based on appearance by sharing my experience for the #IAmCapable activity at BlogAdda in association with Nihar Naturals.”